Adoptee, You are a Legacy | Musings of a Black Female Adoptee
Connecting the dots. My littles are the first flesh and blood that I knew where related to me. For the first time in my life, I have been able to see my smile, my skills, and my personality in someone else. Last week I was emptying my middle little's take-home folder and pulled these two drawings out. I studied them for so long because for being drawn by a 6 yr old I was amazed at how much attention to detail he showed.
And it took me back to being a child. Vague memories of winning a fire safely drawing contest surfaced. Murky, but still there. I have always been drawn towards the arts: reading, writing drawing, photography, music. All of this played a vital role in helping me endure my childhood and do the most to soothe me as an adult.
It's a reminder that regardless of being adopted personality and identity traits have strong biological ties. The way I act, the interests I gravitate towards and so much more were given to me because the two people who created me. And I passed them on to my children.
I know, like many adoptees come to find, that we struggle with identity a lot of times because we have very limited info about our biological parents. And honestly, these are intrinsic skills and traits that we can't suppress. And sadly, when I talk with other adoptees these are the traits we have to deny to 'fit in' with our adoptive families.
I have always wondered the difference it would make if biological parents were able to share these traits via a letter or even a filled-out questionnaire. So not only would adoptees have the validation to who they are, but also to help adoptive parents be mindful of personal identities their adopted children have upon birth.
Because as much as it hurts...100% of your child's intrinsic identity does not and will never come from you. But the reality is most adoptees operate on learned identity because that is what makes them fit in or belong or not seem extremely different from their siblings who aren't adopted... And even the siblings that are.
As I look at my son's drawings it hurts a bit too because of the past, but I feel a mending happening because he is a part of me. It reminds me that regardless of being adopted I am STILL part of a legacy, and just as my kids are my legacy.
