My Motherhood is Mine | The Musings of a Black Female Adoptee
I was the little girl who didn't grow up saying "When I have kids.' I didn't dream about being pregnant and cuddling babies. And being an adoptee, when I did end up pregnant, a part of me was terrified. I knew from experience parents can mess their kids up.
Motherhood didn't define me and my view of myself before I became a mother. And for that, I am really glad. At times while I feel the pressures of motherhood, I never falter in the fact that I am a pretty dang good mother to these little men. But I also recognize carrying them and giving birth to them changed me deeply.
When motherhood was added to the definition of my womanhood, I became braver for myself. I became softer for myself. I became bolder for myself. I began to love myself deeper. It's like a branch of a tree and it challenges me as it grows. The worries, the what-ifs, the doubts, and insecurities that come with being a mom and society's insistence this branch is the one that defines me the most, just are a way for me to level up.
Because my motherhood is about ME; yes, my kids are a part of it, but that experience of BEING a mother is mine. This one experience is just ONE BRANCH of experiences on my tree. And to be honest, motherhood makes up a pretty small part of the trunk of the tree too. Because like I said before, motherhood wasn't an aspiration of mine. I just knew it would happen at some point. I was a person before I had kids. And for me to be the best mom to them, I refuse to forget that.
If I do, I will only be viewed as a mother, and I don't want that to happen. It was after I had my first son that I realized I wasn't a champion of the motherhood title. Every time I would introduce myself for anything I just stopped telling people I was a mother. Not that I didn't want them to know, but because it typically wasn't relevant to why I was present.
Oddly enough It made me feel guilty at first. Then I thought about it. It's not bad if "Motherhood" is the title someone wants to carry PROUDLY. I have watched mothers make careers out of being called mom. There's really no universal way we end up being mothers because motherhood is personal. My motherhood experience is vastly different from the next mother's experience. And that's OK.
For me being a BALANCED woman has always been a big part of my womanhood. That means each of the branches that grow on my tree need to be nurtured accordingly. A lot of times that means my priorities shift based on the season I am in. My intuition leads me to which part of my tree needs to be pruned or nourished. And as I see it, my children are the fruits of my caring for my tree.
