When motherhood was added to the definition of my womanhood, I became braver for myself. I became softer for myself. I became bolder for myself. I began to love myself deeper. It's like a branch of a tree and it challenges me as it grows.
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I have found a lot of hurt, anger and confusion inside myself since taking a close look at how I feel about my adoption and the physical, mental and emotional abuse I endured during that time. But I also found I had become a pro at suppressing all of that because I didn't practice honest reflection or healthy lifestyle balance. That being said I thought it may be helpful for others if I shared four tools I use to cope with my traumatic past.
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Abuse, mental health and adoption. That's packing a lot in one punch. And makes for a pretty daunting introduction. I made it a point to not carry myself as someone who was abused. It's not something that I feel I need to announce. Just like I don't feel like I have to announce that I am adopted as I enter spaces. Both come up in due time.
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When you stand in front of people knowing you are worthy, their attitude about you will change.
This is one of the deepest lessons I have learned in my life, because it taught me that while love can be unconditional, you can't always expect it to be.
One of the most freeing moments of my existence were the words I told my first adoptive mom when she demanded I tell her I loved her.
"I have respect for you as a human being, but I will never love you."
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